enjoying the earth vs loving the world

"Do you see the world God created as a giant temptress, waiting to lure us away from true faith and devotion, or do you see it as a mother who nurtures our faith and disciplines us toward pure devotion and abundant life?" ...

This article is amazing. Read it! I've been thinking/talking about this very thing in recent days and the thoughts in this article are so timely for me.

it's the most wonderful time of the year (except for Christmas, of course)

It's fall. I'm absolutely loving it, even though Kev thinks I'm psycho for enjoying gray skies and colder weather. I think I love all the things that come along with fall more then the weather. As much as I love leaves dancing around and drinking tea curled up on the couch and crisp wood smoke drifting through the window there is something else about this time of year.

It's all the memories and events - 5 years since Kev and I started dating, 4 years since we got engaged, Thanksgiving, 2 years since I met my son face to face, celebrating 24 years of living and now looking forward to meeting my child. Nothing like writing things down to realize how blessed you are...


So yes, Jakob is turning two in 3 weeks. I can not believe it's been two years. He has turned our world upside down and we love it. This past year he has grown so much in maturity and developmentally. His vocabulary alone has gone crazy in the last few months. It's so fun to talk to him in conversations and get a glimpse into what he's thinking. He's still a little squirt, but I don't mind - except for trying to find pants that won't fall down off his skinny waist.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and both excited and apprehensive about having a newborn in the house again.
I feel good for the most part -- tired, but
that's to be expected. I'm supposed to
take it easy so that I don't go into premature labour, so I'm trying to cut back on my perfectionist tendencies and just relax. I'm enjoying the
guilt free naps and taking a lot of cuddles on the couch with Jakob. The picture at the right is me at 30 weeks.

after vacation ponderings

It's only been a little less than three months since I've posted on here -- yikes!

Summer has been busy for us, especially this past month and the next few weeks. Kev and I were able to spend 9 days touring places in Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, and Maryland before we headed to the WorshipGod09 conference in Gaithersburg MD at the beginning of August. It was a child-free vacation which was much simpler and great for just being together. Jakob stayed at my parents for most of the time, and made a one-night stop at Kev's parents before being reunited with us.

We got to see a lot of cool stuff -- Falling Water (the pinnacle of Frank Lloyd Wright's architecture work), Gettysburg, a real warm spring - which we bathed in and found so overly warm that we took years off our lives instead of becoming more youthful, toured Annapolis and tryed their famous crab cakes, the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame/Museum in Cleveland ... not to mention driving through the Alleghany Mountains!

The WorshipGod conference was awesome. It involved a lot of stretching mentally and was a crazy busy three days, but we learned and thought about a lot of stuff and had the chance to hear John Piper speak in person. Taking notes from him was intense!

Probably the single biggest thing for me to think about now is how comfort zones and true biblical worship are not necessarily the same. I went to a seminar called Physical Expressiveness in Corporate Worship and was really convicted. I've been suppressing physical expressions of praise for a long time now because I often feel fearful of what people will think of me, or don't want to distract or rock the boat, etc. But I think the Bible is pretty clear that lifting hands, bowing down, kneeling, etc are all not only allowed but GOOD physical expressions of the heart worship that is taking place. Reading the Psalms gives us a pretty clear indication that worship isn't just to be a stoic singing of a hymn. It's actually pretty sad that we express ourselves physically in virtually every other sphere of life, especially the important and intense ones, but don't when praising the Most High God.

So right now I'm trying to figure out the balance between those thoughts and the whole weaker-stronger brother thing. If you have any helpful thoughts for me, they'd be greatly appreciated!

life moves along

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and feeling like myself again. Oh the joy of nausea free days. I'm always amazed at how much I take good health for granted. I'm so excited to be able to eat without thinking through each bite, to be able to actually DO things without dragging myself around like a dead cat. I'm not sure that simile actually works, or maybe it's just entirely too accurate.

I heard the baby's heartbeat galloping along at about 160 bpm this week -- which was like music. I hadn't realized how much I had been awaiting that sound until I realized like it was the first time that there actually is a 3 inch child in there, fully formed and fully alive.

Jakob and I are enjoying these beautiful late spring days with the windows wide open and time outside. I don't envy you people who must go to work and sit in offices. I put sunscreen on Jakob for the first time yesterday when we went outside and he smelled like summer the rest of the day. I'm so looking forward to this summer with him. He gets to discover beaches, splashing in little pools, sand, long days and nights spent outside, and Kev and I get to discover it all over again with him.


Kev turned 24 this week -- all of a sudden we're well into our twenties and life is speeding up. Crazy. We went out for dinner to Paradiso's -- a Mediterranean restaurant downtown Burlington. We had lots of wonderful food and then walked it all off by the bay. Kev remarked that this was his favourite birthday that he could remember, but since he doesn't have memories of any other birthdays I didn't get overly excited. But in all seriousness, it was an absolutely fantastic night. I love dates that end up with you both in the same place at the end of the night.

Anyhow, Jakob has shut the door to his room and is quietly playing. This could be great news or mean that something of great proportions is taking place. I really should investigate.

Enjoy your weekend in the sun.

thoughts in grey

It's hard to not be gloomy today. It's a grey and wet Monday morning, Jakob has a runny nose, is overtired and cranky and I am feeling the fatigue and nausea that have plagued me the last month or so. I know that pregnancy is supposed to be a joyful time, but it hasn't been that joyful yet. The thought of another child doesn't seem real yet, and when I do think about it, through my haze of exhaustion, it brings a wee bit of terror to my heart to consider dealing with two children at once!

There I've said it. I've been scared to admit to that fact, feeling guilty everyone around me seems much more thrilled than I am.

Don't get me wrong - Kev and I wanted to have another child. We love being parents and the thought of a larger family is a good one in concept. We are amazed at the miracle of creation that God does inside me. But I'm realizing that even when God answers your prayers it's not always the fade away into the happily ever after. Pregnancy hormones are a crazy roller coaster that cause all sort of a havoc in a previously "normal" woman. Life is sometimes made up of those movie moments, but lately for me it seems more like a replay of times I'd rather forget.

And I think it's high time I stopped putting on a facade of joy only to feel worse inside. I know that God is good and I'm able to rejoice for what He's done both large and small scale in my life. But that doesn't mean that rough days are not rough and that the gap between what I want to feel and what I do feel is any less wide. Maybe it's time to let honesty reign - even if that means you see me filled with grey.