I love watching people, reading body language and facial expressions, and hearing the words they say but also listening to what they are saying. I'm not always the best at it, but I find the study really beneficial. You can for instance learn when your room mate has something to tell you, when the leader of the group is frustrated with one person, but trying to not show it, you can see the space between people in their eyes. You can read the emotions clouding your boyfriends face during an argument, and then get so involved in the discussion you forget to listen as well as hear. Something I really need to work on.
I really don't want to go through tomorrow. I dread waking up in the morning. Too many things to think about, too many activities and classes to attend, too much running around. I honestly think they need to get an alpine chair lift from the school to Aug. Hall. Thats the way to use the thousands that I pour into this place.
Is it just my life that seems to be in constant flux and turmoil? Do you ever experience how plans that seemed secure and firm get turned upside down? Realize that your life is heading somewhere you never imagined and you don't know where that somewhere is? Do you ever get the feeling you won't ever have a place to call home? I like change, but not CONSTANT change. There is a difference, and my life has become a whirlwind. Once in a while I rest in the eye of the storm, but most of the time I'm being whipped around trying to hold on to the pieces of my life speeding past me.
Today I had my last doctors app't after a crazy past 8 months of health problems. I've been pronounced "perfect" by the doctor, and now I'm hoping for some relatively healthy months ahead of me. At least that concern seems to have dissapated for the most part.
God has brought me through so much in the past year. Today is a year since I ended a season in my life that was a huge learning experience. I feel like I've been changed more than I could have imagined back then. I can't wait to see what next year brings.
And now for the rant. Which as I sit here and think, also needs to be ranted at myself. I'm frustrated with the Redeemer community. Maybe I'm generalizing, and maybe I'm lacking a deeper insight into all of campus, which I'm sure is true..I'm not everywhere.. But besides that, I look around me and see shallow spirituality. I see people who talk the walk, but don't walk the talk, to use a catch phrase. I listen in class about redeeming our world, and discuss structure and direction with fellow students, only to hear them bragging about the amount they drank at the latest party. I read articles about music, movies and culture and how we should be in the world, but also not of it. And then I visit the dorms, and see people watching, with no problem, movies that take Gods name in vain or that portray sex completely inappropriately. I don't want to hear the excuse that we need to understand the world, and that is why we should see these movies. I think we all know basically how our western culture interprets life and acts accordingly. We don't need to watch people rip off each others clothes premaritally to know that the world has distorted sexuality. We only have to look at ourselves to see the world. Besides, there are other ways of learning that can help us to love the world better. Perhaps we should get off our butts, turn off the TV and our so called learning/entertainment experience of the culture around us....and start doing something for those to whom Christ is calling.
We need to stop seeing how close we can get to the line, and run back to the plumb line of the Bible. The world does not need more people who know and enjoy what they do, but have a different label. This world needs people who live holy lives, who stand out, not only for their lifestyle and faith, but because they are willing to lay their lives down for those who are in opposition to them. We have been blessed with a community where learning and faith meet, stop diverging the paths when you leave class. Life is worship as Bartholomew said, and we need to live accordingly.
On a whole other topic, this weekend I'm going home for Thanksgiving. I'm so excited. Not only do I get to spend 3 days with my family, I get to spend them with Kev, spend time with his family, go to Brigden Fair, eat, relax, eat, and enjoy this short beautiful fall season. It should be a small break away from some of the craziness that has enveloped me lately.
Speaking of music, which I actually wasn't, I love Messiah. Learning it with choir has been amazing so far, and thats cool, considering we don't really sound amazing as of yet. But we will...just watch us. I am absolutely stoked to perform this in December. Commercial: Dec. 3 and 4 at 8 o'clock we perform Messiah. Ask me for details/tickets and I'll do my best to hook you up.
Wow, it's definitely quarter to 12 and I need sleep. Theres just something about writing at night while listening to music..