Saturday, November 27, 2004

Great Light of the World

"Sometimes at night, I am afraid."

As I step out into this new chapter of my life, there are so many unknowns. The challenges that I am likely going to face in my job, whatever that is, inspires excitement but also fear. Change is never easy for me, and I'm not looking forward to adjusting to new surroundings again. It seems that the greatest moments of my fear come at night, as I contemplate life with no one around to see.

"I cover my eyes, cover my shame."

It's also in those moments of contemplation that I begin to see just exactly who I am. The times I've slapped God in the face, the times I've made poor decisions that resulted in sin, the way I have horribly lived up to my calling as a child of God. It seems lately that I've fallen especially hard. I fear going to God for forgiveness, and I want to hide, just as Adam and Eve tried to do with the leaves.

"So here in the dark, broken apart, come with your light, and fill up my heart."

The truth is though, that I need God. The darkness of my heart can not do anything except pull me more deeply into the sin that overwhelms me. The fear and apprehension that wells up at night, can only be quelled by trusting in the One who knows all. The light of Christ, though piercing and bright, after the first shock of brightness, fills me up and renews me like nothing else on this earth. This must be the cry of my heart, for without that light I have no hope.

"Oh great light of the world, fill up my soul, I'm half a woman here, so come make me whole. Oh great light of the world, Come to impart the light of your grace, to fill up my heart."

1 comment:

Dan said...

Beautiful and heart-wrenching, Sarah. I'll be praying for you.