So tonight I wrote my second to last exam, SOC 121. It was actually not that bad to write, I thought about what I was studying and even learned some things. A course well taken!
In other news, I'm in the middle of packing/studying/spending time with Rach and dealing with a distinct lack of head space. Lots of things left to last minute, and unforseen activities cropping up.
But what I really wanted to write about tonight was how life does not climax til the moment we leave this life. This has been thought about a lot lately since the death of Oma Van Hartingsveldt yesterday. (Kev's fathers mom) It was quite sudden for me, I found out on Saturday night that she had had a massive heart attack on Thursday, and by early afternoon on Sunday she had gone to meet God. There have been a lot of wonderful things happening around this event, and I want to share some of them. The first is that through her death, I have become encouraged about this life. Its not the "real deal", it's not the destination. It is only a stepping stone, a preparation for true life. We have tasted, but not seen, and the meal is yet to come. I am encouraged, for this world is losing its charm the more that time goes by. The innocence of youth, has perhaps begun to leave, and as I learn more, I see how sin has twisted our society, our cultures, our hearts and our motives into something that is quite less than beautiful.
I've also seen this hope displayed in the people who are truly hurting from her departure. I knew her for a few months, her husband loved her deeply for more than 60 years, and as I watch his Alzheimer ridden mind try to grasp the fact, I want to, and do cry. But still, he tells me of the hope that we have claimed through faith, and we can rejoice.
I have seen my family love each other, I have heard of a womens faith, I have begun to see what empathy is, and I have gained a new perspective on my own life.
Life does not culminate, til the moment we leave what we know as life. I cling to that hope with all I am. This decaying, diseased and dirty body/heart/mind of mine is not all I have, and I have everything to look forward to. I get so tired of my own sin, of this worlds sin. It seems that the moment I "conquer" an area of my life through Gods grace, I realize a host of others that I have neglected to put under the Lordship of Christ. It sucks, to be blunt. And then, I realize, that this is only a taste of life. The life we have in Christ, the fellowship, the peace, the laughter, the refreshing breaths of air, and the joys in relationships, these are just a taste. We have no idea what to expect, and we often try to cling to what we have here, because its known and its safe.
But honestly, when you sit and think about it, doesn't it just grab your mind and twirl it all up to think about whats awaiting us? If we have discovered and loved so much about this world, then when the greyness is lifted, and the door is opened, we will absolutely adore what God has given us for the future. And even if it isn't that great, which it will be, we'll still love it 'cause we'll be perfect. ;)
Seeing God. Doesn't that take your breath away? To sit at His feet and watch Him move the galaxies, and to stand and sing with the trillions of others to His praise? I can only imagine.
It still scares me, the transition, the unknown, but I have hope. And through the death of Oma, I have grasped more firmly onto that hope, and have seen what it is to grieve, not as those with no hope, but as a believer in the new life to come.
Live this life, as one who knows this is only a taste, and live it so that when you have the meal, you'll have given all you can for the One who gave you both.