The feeling of down can be overwhelming and has a strange pull of comfort. It is so easy for me to slip down, to numb myself, to only hear what my heart is speaking. The feeling of down is many times pushed into the deepest recesses of my soul, and held there with busyness, a different focus, and sheer willpower. This is not fighting, this is succumbing. I believe that depression for me can be a very spiritual thing, its as if the powers of hell lure me to it. Selfishness, a lack of trust in God, an apathy, and a rebellion fill me.
This is what I want to fight.
I dont' want to push it down, I want to face it. I want to live for God and others, and pray continually that God will keep me above waters and able to see beyond the storm. I want to be filled with praise, even when all I want to do is sleep and forget that I am a servant of God. This fight excites me, because I know from the past that God will bless it. I am fighting right now, as I write this, and I'll keep fighting til I can walk a little easier, and breathe without a catch.