Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Theres just something about fighting back.

The feeling of down can be overwhelming and has a strange pull of comfort. It is so easy for me to slip down, to numb myself, to only hear what my heart is speaking. The feeling of down is many times pushed into the deepest recesses of my soul, and held there with busyness, a different focus, and sheer willpower. This is not fighting, this is succumbing. I believe that depression for me can be a very spiritual thing, its as if the powers of hell lure me to it. Selfishness, a lack of trust in God, an apathy, and a rebellion fill me.

This is what I want to fight.

I dont' want to push it down, I want to face it. I want to live for God and others, and pray continually that God will keep me above waters and able to see beyond the storm. I want to be filled with praise, even when all I want to do is sleep and forget that I am a servant of God. This fight excites me, because I know from the past that God will bless it. I am fighting right now, as I write this, and I'll keep fighting til I can walk a little easier, and breathe without a catch.

4 comments:

Dan said...

I resonated with every word of this post. Depression in all forms, and in all its causes, needs to be illuminated more in this community, so the stigmas can fall away.

SoccerChic said...

I hear where you are coming from Sarah, I feel like that right now. I just don't want to fight it, I feel like I don't have the power.

But, God will be there - I know he will - even when it doesn't feel like it and you are sure your prayers only reach the ceiling.

Marleah said...

Sarah, there are times when I feel like we are too much alike...

Anonymous said...

Hey Sarah
I don't know if this will work or not,...
Just saying hi while I'm at school...:) I called you last night and talked to the old lady you livewith. I had to spell my name for her about 7 times. She thought I was saying "P" not "T" haha...
talk to you soon!
Tammy