It's been awhile since I've actually written on this blog of mine. Not for lack of inspiration - or emotion, or thought though. It's been the biggest whirlwind of my life, and yet I've written almost nothing. I'm not sure if I regret that - in a way I do, but in another way, there was too much to write to write it.
I'm married now - I'm a Van Hartingsveldt now - I'm a veteran of weddings now - I've made love now (was that out loud?) - I've disappointed and surprised myself with what I've become. I'm the same person now - I'm completely different now - I'm still learning about what lifes about now - I'm still learning to lean on God.
My life is different practically - in small ways and big, my sphere of responsibility has shifted to my husband, my home, through them serving God. I've become a member of Trinity Baptist Church which has given me a bit of a home base. I still don't feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be some days. Not like, "why am I with Kev?" but more like, "how did I get here so fast?"
I've discovered that I deal with change by instituting more change. You can decide if thats smart, or not..
Last night, I got together with the girls - Baileys and Bible Study we sometimes call it. That, or marriage counseling. Theres nothing like sitting around on comfy chairs, drinking tea or Baileys (some of us double fist *coughCandicecough*) - meditating on Scripture and laughing about our mundane and crazy lives.
Then after that, Kev came home. He came home! to me! I love not saying "goodbye" at night.
Ever have it where you realize that the songs you grew up listening to, have stuck deep inside and bring back so many memories of a certain time of your life? I'm listening to Paula Cole "I Don't Want to Wait". I can remember running down a country road - sitting at the side of the road in my "spot", and contemplating life while listening to this... I really had no idea where I'd be. I still don't. It's like life just keeps coming, and at the end I'll write a book and say "this is where I've been." Maybe thats why lifes called a journey. And why so many songs have been written about bends in the road. And why so many people fake confidence when they think about the next year. Without God - the road is filled with companions, but as blind as you.
Oh and Mary, if you're reading this... I miss you.
I promise this won't be the post of the month or anything, guys.. I'm going to try to get back into this.