ten to go.

I had great expectations of myself for this Christmas ... four types of cookies to bake, 40 Christmas cards to send, presents bought and wrapped early, house decorated beautifully, Jakob smiling and clean for more than 5 minutes, and maybe even time to practice this awesome arrangement of "What Child is This?" on the piano. So, it's not all done. I haven't even started baking cookies (but I do have pumpkin pies made ...), the Christmas cards are in a perpetual state of being done, and Jakob is not always clean. (It's really hard OK? He gives her to the river from both ends endlessly!) Our Christmas tree is set up, has the lights and ribbon on, but no ornaments. Kev wants to do it with me ... and seeing as hes been gone from 8-8 every day this week and has a ridiculously long and awful cold .. the tree hasn't been top priority. So yeah, Christmas is as it should be ... just like life, never done but still having merit.

I've been meditating a lot on Mary this year ... it's kind of hard not to when I'm holding Jakob cuddled up in my arms. I wonder a lot what her thoughts were when she looked at Jesus. I have so much respect for her ... I mean, I don't know what God has planned for Jakob at all, but she had an inkling of what was to come and had to juxtapose the thoughts of this being the Son of God and her baby at the same time. How do you change a diaper/feed/soothe/play with a Child like that? It also makes me realize that I still have this deep set Gnostic notion that the physical is less worthy than the spiritual, when in reality they are truly wrapped up so tightly together you can't separate them in this life. Maybe that's one of the reasons why God came as a man, to teach us that he could be 100% man and 100% God and that both were holy.

stupidity

I'm getting more stupid with each passing day right now. My brain keeps forgetting important tasks and missing very obvious answers. For example, today Kev went to open the church for Living Worship at 11:00. Peter & Candice were running late due to equipment rental issues and called me to let me know in hopes that Kev was at home. He wasn't, he had left work at 11:00 to open the church and we don't have a cellphone. For all you out there who now want to insert "wouldn't it be great to have a cellphone at times like these?", be quiet. Anyways, I thought about how to tell Kev ... couldn't call him at work because he had already left, couldn't call him at the church because he wasn't able to get in ... and so I gave up.

Later on when I called the church to ask when I was getting picked up, I realized that Kev had the KEY to the church, and had been inside waiting. I feel really stupid. Can I still blame this on the pregnancy?

Sigh.