Thursday, September 04, 2008

a broken hallelujah

I'm pensive today as I think about life. There is part of me that is ready to hop (hop? now that's a strange image) right into the busyness and schedule of September. There are exciting things beginning and restarting. Living Worship, Alumni Choir practices, my online course, Bible studies, etc, etc. But there is another side of me that feels like time has slipped away from me this summer and that it wasn't used to it's potential. I know I never use time to it's potential, or at least very rarely, but it seems to me that I really dropped the ball this past season.
Our summer has been busy, but I feel like those glorious summer days weren't enjoyed enough for just what they are, glorious. I filled them up with things and busyness and lost out.

And then my pensiveness expresses itself in the fact that there is so much intertwining of hurt and beauty, life and death, tears and laughter around me. Some people I know are just beginning beautiful lives together in marriage, others are waiting on God(or trying to) -- lonely. And I know that you're supposed to trust God with the future re: marriage, but when you're waiting I've watched enough friends to know that it's often a very lonely process. There have been beautiful babies born, and there are those who are saying goodbye to friends and family members for the last time. There are amazing moments in my life, where the sky isn't big enough for how I feel, and times when I can't breathe because it hurts too much. Jakob is a boy, and that's filled with such joy ... but yet, he has lost his babyhood, and I mourn it's passing. You are reading this thinking, yes, Sarah, this is life. And I know that too. It's just one of those moments where I realize that this isn't really life. It's just what we know as life. There is a life that is coming where the bittersweet won't be bitter and the songs won't be lonely and the community won't be broken. It's called heaven -- and it's going to be amazing.

1 comment:

Karen said...

Hi Sarah, I really liked this post. Being pensive and thoughtful is a good mood to have every so often. I am with you on the rapid movement of time and the feeling that we are so quick to waste it. And I also can't wait for that perfect, full home. :) thanks for the great reminder.
Karen