The weeks pass by quickly - the usual activities and mundanity forming a rhythm that can be barely noticed. All of a sudden you wake as if from a dream and think, is it already almost half way into February?
This can be a positive thing - life is full and good.
It can also mean that time is slipping by without being marked.
That is what scares me the most. Everyone talks about your children being young for so short of a time. Why does this time go by so fast? This is the time I want to hold onto the most. (Don't get me wrong, it can be something that I want to go by quickly at times, but overall...) I always feel like I'm not capturing enough memories. What the boys are doing, what they say and what they are learning. Pictures, stories, quotes - what I'm learning and thinking.
I feel this impending sense of doom that 10 years down the road I'll look back and it will be a haze and I'll miss what I don't even remember that clearly.
It's why sometimes at night when I put the boys to bed I cuddle them for an extra long time. Last night Aiden had a fever and he fell asleep on me - I didn't move. It reminded me of a time that seems like yesterday when he fell asleep on my chest as a baby 3 days old. I had smelled his fresh newborn scent and realized that this moment was a rare one.
Maybe that's why I feel these things. I've realized that of all the things in life, this short stage of baby and child-hood is one of the most amazing and precious. The moments fly by and I'm left trying to hold onto them for one extra second so that I can unsuccessfully try to imprint them fully in my memory.
For those of you who don't have children and are thinking I've lost it ... just wait. One day you'll have a child lay his head down on your chest - a child that God made from you - and you won't be able to move either.